Returning to old themes
For the past year I have hesitated to blog at all because of time, mental state, the constantly changing creative flow, whatever reason or excuse I could have I did. But recently my life has shifted significantly. Now, 10 months into my first professional job post grad school, I no longer have the same social group that I did a year ago. Admittedly that has affected how creative I am. A lot of the work that I make falls into one of three categories:
Self-exploration: This work is often larger and focused on my own relationships with myself and the people around me.
Materail Understanding/skill practice: This is the work that I make most consistently because it is about maintaining an artistic practice. Things like small watercolors, sketches, or even playing with clay. I am not typically making this art with a specific intention aside from creation.
Maybe I can market this?: Admittedly this is art that I make with the hope that someone else will like it. In the past year I have done one art fair kind of thing and in that setting I do want to make a sale, so I make these things for that specific reason.
Of my three artistic purposes I often feel the most connected with myself when I am doing the first two–and yet it is hard to want to create when the world around you seems to be entering a worse and worse state. At that time it is even more important to creatively express oneself and yet it is in those times that I find it especially difficult. Especially when my community and support system are not necessarily in the same hemisphere.
But why should that matter? I am having my own unique individual experience in the world and that disconnection from community could be creative fuel right?
It is not news that western countries like the United States operate in an individualist way. How we find enlightenment, pursue our goals, connect to those around us, is largely based on the individual experience. No one else is necessarily responsible for you and your emotions, and many families, and communal environments (work, school, church even) focus on the ways the the individual shows up for themselves. In collectivist cultures like those observed in the Philippines or other parts of Asia, the societal approach is based in community. While there is still competition, there is also a lot of collaboration–a belief that each person is tied to those around them. Both have their positives and negatives. In the US one might value their privacy and personal accomplishments and prefer levels of solitude to recuperate, but this might make it more difficult for them to ask for help when they need it. In the Philippines because of something called kapwa–a recognitions of a shared identity that builds unity and mutual respect–If someone needs help then they know that there are people in their corner. But if one were to get stuck in a specific community or group that does not fully recognize the importance of mutual respect people can be taken advantage of.
Neither individualist or collectivist approaches are bad or good. They just are. But I am finding that I put myself into a form of self-isolation these past few months because of an anxiety based in the worry that my connection to people will inevitable be more harmful than helpful. And this thought is what is informing a few different artistic ideas that I have been playing with. How as an individual am I connecting to people or what is preventing me from doing so? Is giving people the benefit of the doubt preventing me from deepening certain connections? I don’t know the answer but that is why I am painting and writing. I as a person and artist want to align with my own spiritual purpose (yes, I know this sounds kind of “woo woo” but bare with me”) and I want to find my community and connect to others. Now my art is becoming more introspective again. A year ago my paintings were largely influenced by the friends I had at the time and the experiences that we shared. Now they are revisiting this feeling of how disconnected I feel with myself, knowing that I won’t ever be able to fit into a mold made for someone else. So, at least once a month I want to post something here documenting my raw thoughts about my own experiences in life and how they are influencing the artistic process.
If you read this far thank you, and I hope you’ll join me to see what is next in my artistic journey.
